Not How You Want to See Yourself Described on a Dating Site

Ouch.



These guys are definitely a no-win with this lady. Sorry. I guess I am picky.

Kodachrome-Colored Glasses

Cute Guy(tm) told me the other day that I need better pictures on my OkCupid profile. This was not an unprompted comment, by the way: it was after I told him that I hadn't had any dates since the Jew dumped me in March. I said I'm not very photogenic. He doesn't believe me, and made an off-hand offer to maybe get together over 4th of July weekend for a photo shoot. I am considering taking him up on it, if he was serious.

In the meantime, I decided this evening to comb through my digital photos for replacements of the ones currently on my profile — I must have some decent pictures of myself, right? Ones that don't involve alcohol or hugging men — and ended up instead getting sidetracked on Memory Lane. Look at my life in pictures, and it seems pretty frickin' awesome: I have tons of friends, we've done tons of goofy things. I have smiled a lot in the camera's eye. I kind of forget about that when I'm in the Moment of Sad.

Reflecting back on those days when I've been restless and depressed, I'm starting to regret keeping my photo albums hidden in the closet. And I'm also starting to regret being cheap, and not printing out more of the photos I take, letting them instead get uploaded to my computer and then forgotten. I could use those memories the most when I'm at my lowest.

At any rate, if you're feeling sad about what's not in your life right now, I recommend going through your pictures from the past few years. Don't think about what's happened to the people since, just think about the moment when you were there, smiling, drinking that drink, doing that crazy thing. That's why we take them, right? Investment against future sorrow.

I was supposed to have plans this weekend. However, my car decided otherwise: just before I entered the freeway on-ramp, which would have lead me to crossing the Bay Bridge, she shut down completely — no radio, no ignition, not even hazard lights. Really glad I have AAA road side, and really glad that it was a near miss: one of my nightmares is having a breakdown actually on the Bay Bridge, where there's really no safe way to escape. People are grumpy enough about the S-curve, I don't think they'd be able to handle a stalled Ford Escort as well.

So instead of seeing a movie and going to a barbecue yesterday, and instead of celebrating my mother's birthday today, I've been cooking and Netflixing and gaming. Today I walked from my apartment to the JCC and finally got Bruce ready for his first firing. It's been quiet, and I've been trying not to worry about whether or not this is The End for my car. I love that car, by the way — and yeah, I know it's dumb to love an inanimate object. But we've had 11 years and 125,000 miles together. Whoever takes her place will have some big tires to fill.

Topics From Today

• I don't get a lot of current "urban" fashion — especially since parts of it now exemplify things that, 10, 20 years ago, you only wore if your mom dressed you because you were incapable of doing it yourself (thinking here of the brims on baseball caps). But then, I have to concede that in the early '90s, I wore spandex capris in a bright flower print, and thought I was cool. So maybe I shouldn't talk.
  
• At some point in time, there was a Church of Sarah. I'd forgotten about it, but Elsie brought it up again today. By her reckoning, I only had the one worshipper, who has since moved away, so maybe it's high time I got back around to proselytizing and building up a congregation. Also, I need to drag my errant lamb back and punish his wandering ass.
  
• I'm giving up on snap traps. After being kept up until almost two in the morning last night, I've moved up to trays of sticky foam in my war with my Unwanted Roommate. We (or, rather, Elsie and I) have decided to name him Jim.
  
• Based on a dream I had a couple months ago, I've been working on a new ceramic friend. He's still not done: there's a lot of detail work that's needed. But the bulk of his body is complete. Meet Bruce:
  
  At least, that's the working title name for now.
  
  
• Moving is still on my mind, in different aspects. Thank you, Josh, for the perspective.
  
• Barbecue ribs are still Reason Number One that I could never be a vegetarian. Always nice to reaffirm that to myself. Sorry, brother mine.
  
• It's been something of Early '90s War with Geof today. So far:
  
  
  
  
  

How the Mighty Are Pissant

Warning: complaint time ahead.

It's been a crappy week. I was already starting to feel cruddy Monday evening after two separate verbal assaults by crazy homeless guys in the same day, and "woke up" Tuesday morning not really having slept and with the beginning of a bug.

A bug that has lingered now for three days. I'm actually starting to get bored with being trapped in my apartment, but don't really have the energy to do much more than warm up leftovers (thank heavens for Sunday cooking) and wave a Wii-mote to put on the next thing in my Netflix queue.

I've found evidence that I'm still living with a furry little roommate, despite the exterminator the landlord had over back in April to look at the place (I guess he didn't actually exterminate anything, alas). And after getting woken up by the building manager clearing weeds off my patio area, I get an email telling me that my front herb garden experiment stinks, looks messy, and needs to be cleared away because it's interfering with the weeding.

I'm starting to think this city doesn't want me any more. Well, fuck you, SF. The feeling's mutual.

In other-people-suck news: Yeah, I watched some of the Boston-Vancouver Stanley Cup Final last night. Like, the final two periods. And to be honest, I wanted Boston to win, so I'm pleased enough with the outcome. I do want to note that Vancouver, in the last 24 hours, has most definitely proved that Bostonians deserved this win far more than they did. I mean, seriously, have you seen the pictures? Is it me, or do all the Vancouver rioters look like a bunch of over-privileged douche-bag frat boys, rather than suffering fans? Get over yourselves, you look like (worse than) Americans.

Soul (Mate) Searching

(Go to track 3 ... and then back to track 1.)

The Cute Guy(tm) at Krav came up to me the other day, grinning. "Did you get my message?"

"What message?" I don't have access to personal emails/Facebook/etc. while at work, since I have a StupidPhone and our internet access is restricted. And I hadn't yet been home.

"I found you on OKcupid today."

//Imagine me bringing a hand up to half-hide my face in a blush.// Singsong voice: "Embarassing."

I suppose I shouldn't have felt shamed — I mean, he was on there, too, right? And that's what he said: I shouldn't be embarrassed, because everyone else is on there now.

Which brought up the topic — one that came up again tonight in a Gchat conversation — of how difficult it is to meet people. Once you're out of school, it's almost impossible to meet anyone new — new friends, new lovers, new enemies. I guess there's the bar, but it's not really my thing — plus, so many bar people go there in packs with their own friends. I have my classes, but it took me years to start hanging out with anyone from there. It's work-intensive. Sometimes too much so, it seems.

As I said to my best friend, it's enough to make me regret not spending more time soul mate searching back in college. (Then he pointed out that I'm not the husband-hunting type ... which is kind of too true. Curse me.)

I guess I shouldn't feel so bad: I don't have a divorce under my belt, I'm not stuck living with someone I want to punch in the face every day, I've learned to be sort of independent. And heck, even Cute Guy needs a robot to help him sometimes. Why shouldn't I?

Another Boring Romantic, That's Me

In my lonely, perpetually-single state of being, I've started playing a little game with myself, whenever OkCupid sends me another "Someone Chose You!" email.

For those of you who are not doomed to the doldrums of online dating, let me explain: Remember Hot or Not? Hmm ... maybe some of you are too young for that (or spent your college years more productively, like by going to parties and getting laid and stuff). (Holy Crap, I cannot believe that site is still around. Go figure.) Well, there's something like that on OkCupid, called "QuickMatch" where you're given a person's pictures, their basic profile, but not their username, and you're asked to rate them on a scale of one to five stars. When you give that person four or five stars, they are sent an email letting them know that they've been "chosen!" but hiding the true identity of the chooser by presenting a cluster of nine pictures, one of whom is the person who gave the high rating.

The game, of course, is to try to figure out which of the nine is really the one who gave you four plus stars. For instance, here is my selection of today:



Yes, I stuck a gray oval over each of their faces. The identity of the victims must be preserved.

I've gotten pretty good at correctly guessing which of the gentlemen is my caller before I log in. (Once I do log in, I can usually tell either by the fact that the person has viewed my profile, or if I go into the Quickmatch game itself he is generally the second or third guy to come up.) It's, of course, never the one I would choose for myself. Not necessarily the creepiest-looking one, but close enough.

I guess I tend to attract a certain kind of guy. I guess. Sigh.

In other news: this Sunday I woke up at the crack of 2 a.m. — which involved getting to bed at 5 p.m. the night before — to volunteer at the opening ceremonies for the AIDS LifeCycle event. One of my coworkers set this up for a group of us to participate, and I have to admit, it was a blast. I forget how volunteering really makes you feel like part of a community. I spent the better part of four hours running around, surrounded by lots of men and women in spandex, going on my knees and giving pump jobs. (Hey, now: I was one of the people carrying around bicycle pumps for tire inflation. What did you think it was, sicko?) I still think bicyclists are crazy-assed people, but this group was wonderful and pumped and doing something extremely awesome with their crazy. I hope they have a great ride the rest of this week.

I also ended up seeing the latest X-Men flick with friend Josh, and was reminded once more of how much of a Small Town is San Francisco when I looked three people up in line and found Jeremy, whom I haven't seen since December. The movie was fun, but the company all around (seated between two Js) was better.

Oh, and I went and saw the Magna Carta on Saturday, which perhaps puts me way up at the top of the geekdom charts. But I suppose no one here's really surprised about that, are they?

War Takes Sacrifices

I had hope that my days of battling with kitchen rodents was done. A few days ago I came home to a new strip of metal at the bottom of my door, effectively blocking off the gap between it and the carpet, and a message assuring me that this should keep future intruders out.

Unfortunately, it also serves to keep current intruders in. Last night I was awakened by the now-too-familiar sound of crunch-crunch-crunch. I must have been foolish enough to let a coffee bean spill to the floor one day while I was filling my grinder. Dumb mouse, don't you know I won't care that you're there so long as you don't eat loud food?

At any rate, since the trap with peanut butter (and a coffee bean) that I've had out since the last invasion, when I returned from my New York/Cleveland trip, I knew it was time to break out the good stuff. A new trap has been set, this time with a precious glob of Nutella. Fingers crossed on this one. I need my sleep.

And yes, tonight when I get home from work and Krav, I will do a thorough cleaning of the kitchen, to get rid of any other exposed foodstuff that may be scattered about. Sigh.

On a side note: I had no idea that these guys were still around doing things. Re-stumbled on them last night before bed, and now I'll have to back through five years of archives to see what new things they've been up to.

But here is what my favorite was, back in the day: