I Must Be Tired ...

... Because everything seems more depressing when you're wiped out. Also, I tend to be less coherent as a writer. Case in point:

New year, new session of ceramics class, a lot of the same people from the previous session. We were sitting around a table, working on our projects, and the topic of New Year's resolutions came up. Which, I suppose, is normal for January 4.

One of the girls who's been taking the classes as long as I have (so we've become friends if only by default of having spent so many hours together over the last three years) announced that her one resolution for 2010 was to start living more for herself. She's recently gotten out of a long-term relationship, single for the first time in years, and I think finally getting the chance to figure herself out as a whole instead of a half, so I guess it's a resolution that makes sense for her (she's also amazing and a good friend to have, so it's about time).

I haven't really thought about resolutions for this year (slight lie), but my friend's struck me as amusing, because for the past few months I've been trying to live more for others instead of myself. I joke that if I had a deadly sin, it would be envy ... but that's not far from the truth. I have trouble being happy for others if they gain something I want for myself. I get jealous. And it always bites me in the butt, never gets me what I want. I don't like how it makes me feel ... though I don't know how to stop feeling it, either. Maybe it's time to learn.

That's resolution number one.

I'm about to turn 30, this coming March, and while I feel like something of a success in some parts of my life, in others I feel painfully empty and behind. Thirty will be my year to try and fill out those segments of my life, stabilize, settle into the path I want for the rest of my life.

That's resolution number two.

And finally, of course, there's the resolution I make every year: to be healthier in some (or many) aspects of my life: finances, body, mentality. Wrapping them all up into one: budget better, eat well, workout more. Life shouldn't be about sitting in my apartment, fat and poor, eating junk. It should be more than that. Even sitting in my apartment, there should be no poverty, and there should be no bloat.

So that's resolution number three.

2010, I guess I'm as ready for you as I'll ever be. Let's go for it.

Chrlorinated

So I went swimming-for-exercise again for the first time in almost two years this morning. Was so tempted to skip it — it was a stressful night at work, I was tired, yadda yadda — but I had my swimsuit and my hair tie this time, dammit. No excuses. I did pretty well; a full 20 minutes, and I felt like I could have done more but made myself stop so I wouldn't be pushing myself. (Too late, though: I felt all woozy and slightly nauseous in the locker room and the whole bus ride home. Until I got here and became ravenous and devoured a quarter of a jicama and some ranch dressing.)

Having Nick here this weekend only slightly disrupted my diet — impressive, because usually I'm completely off it when I'm around him. We made Sangria (low-carb with Splenda for me, real sugar for him), I baked him a honey-mustard Cornish game hen (derailed my diet a bit eating the skin off that sucker, too ... mm, honey mustard deliciousness), went to a barbecue where I managed to eat only Atkins-approved foods. Good thing I like asparagus and mushrooms and chicken. And now I'm thinking I want a Cornish game hen, too, but it'll need a day or two to defrost in the fridge, so I can't have it tonight. ;P Or right now. Boo.

Gotta think about next weekend. I'm working the Blues Festival with Nick's family and the lunch they give their volunteers involves a bean burrito and chips, candy and a soda. Probably not the best for my diet. I'll have to bring some cash and buy some real food. And then the family dinner afterwards ... perhaps I should pack a bag of beef jerky, just in case.

All this so I fit into my pants while I'm in New York. Really, I should be aiming to be completely hot for NY, so I can land a boyfriend out there, providing me an anchor to make The Move. I'm getting excited now, and kind of glad to have some sort of motivation from somewhere to get my ass in gear.

By the way, this week is starting out much better than last week. Busy stressful night aside. And this post is otherwise completely pointless. Just an excuse to write something.