I Must Be Tired ...

... Because everything seems more depressing when you're wiped out. Also, I tend to be less coherent as a writer. Case in point:

New year, new session of ceramics class, a lot of the same people from the previous session. We were sitting around a table, working on our projects, and the topic of New Year's resolutions came up. Which, I suppose, is normal for January 4.

One of the girls who's been taking the classes as long as I have (so we've become friends if only by default of having spent so many hours together over the last three years) announced that her one resolution for 2010 was to start living more for herself. She's recently gotten out of a long-term relationship, single for the first time in years, and I think finally getting the chance to figure herself out as a whole instead of a half, so I guess it's a resolution that makes sense for her (she's also amazing and a good friend to have, so it's about time).

I haven't really thought about resolutions for this year (slight lie), but my friend's struck me as amusing, because for the past few months I've been trying to live more for others instead of myself. I joke that if I had a deadly sin, it would be envy ... but that's not far from the truth. I have trouble being happy for others if they gain something I want for myself. I get jealous. And it always bites me in the butt, never gets me what I want. I don't like how it makes me feel ... though I don't know how to stop feeling it, either. Maybe it's time to learn.

That's resolution number one.

I'm about to turn 30, this coming March, and while I feel like something of a success in some parts of my life, in others I feel painfully empty and behind. Thirty will be my year to try and fill out those segments of my life, stabilize, settle into the path I want for the rest of my life.

That's resolution number two.

And finally, of course, there's the resolution I make every year: to be healthier in some (or many) aspects of my life: finances, body, mentality. Wrapping them all up into one: budget better, eat well, workout more. Life shouldn't be about sitting in my apartment, fat and poor, eating junk. It should be more than that. Even sitting in my apartment, there should be no poverty, and there should be no bloat.

So that's resolution number three.

2010, I guess I'm as ready for you as I'll ever be. Let's go for it.