Tuesday, August 14, 2012

T-Minus Crazy

Today on the way to Krav, I realized I'm starting to panic about the move.

It's not so much my utter lack of organization at the apartment. I know myself, I know I'm a procrastinator, and I know I'll get it all done in the nick of time (probably at 4 a.m. the day before my House Cooling Party).

But the whole reason for the trip is being called into question now. Is this the right choice? Am I moving for the right reasons? Will I find what I'm looking for, or is it here in SF about to pop up just as I'm moving out? 

Worse yet: am I running towards my demons, rather than escaping from them?

I don't know why I waited so long to do this move. I've been thinking about that a lot, too. I mean, there were the practical reasons — new position, new nephew, finances, fear of co-dependency. Wait, maybe that co-dependency thing is more of the psychological than the practical reasons for staying here. Did I really want to give San Francisco a real chance, or was I just pussy-footing around the fact that I just don't have what it takes to survive this change?

I think I've already given up what I was most afraid of finding was a false idol. I guess that'll be put to the test.

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