It's a recurring question in the family: How's my dating life going? Do I have a boyfriend yet? I must be out every night, mustn't I? Blah blah blah. How's it going, you ask? Well, it fucking sucks, that's how it's going.
I've been single well over five years now. I'm tired of it. Not in the sad I-can't-define-myself-without-a-boyfriend kind of way. I know who I am — definitely better than I did back when I was dating Sweetness — so I guess I'm thankful for being single long enough to give me that. But I'm tired mostly in the doing things by myself kind of way. I want someone to share things with. Someone to have inside jokes and go on random trips and sleep in on a weekend with. Someone to cook dinner for (or rely on to cook dinner for me).
I have a feeling my singlehood is not going to change anytime soon (so much for hope and crushes and all that bullshit). And I'd like to think I'm not completely blameless in this. Sure, I've probably been a dick once or twice (or a few times) myself ... which is the reason I'm not dating Sweetness anymore in the first place (and thank heavens for that). But for instance, here's just a sampling of the guys I've dated or had interest in over the last few years (varying levels of douchebaggery):
- Nice guy, but insisted on the third date that we watch the Superbowl -- alone, not at a party -- despite my insistence that I severely disliked football. And no, the commercials were not good that year, and no, it wasn't even a local team.
- Slept with me once after several dates (and a couple years of sexual tension), never called back, ended up going back to his ex-girlfriend ... who lives 1,000 miles away. Oh, and he stood me up a couple times because his World of Warcraft guild "needed him for a raid".
- Wholesome. Really wholesome. Decided to quit his well-paid tech job to become a cop (which is not a bad thing for most people, I guess). Didn't like the hat I knitted for him as a Christmas present, because "he's not a hat person". And then proceeded to ask me, after a month of seeing each other, where I saw the relationship going and if we were a steady item. (This one, admittedly, was not so bad ... just not my type. I still kind of feel like the dick in this relationship, even though I knew he wasn't really for me.)
- Showed up to the second date drunk, and tried to take me back home after dinner for a quickie. Note: we'd not even kissed at this point. (Also: not a great kisser, which he did to try to convince me that a quickie would be a great idea.) I had to forcibly extricate myself from his grip and hurry on to work — this was back when I was working Graveyard.
- Spent three hours having a great conversation at a bar, I felt like we were actually kind of bonding, until the very end when he threw in the comment "... and since I'm probably not ever going to see you again ..." What a great ego boost.
I'm not even including the latest, since I guess technically he still has a chance. It's only been a few days. People are busy. But I don't have much hope.
So tell me: Is it me? Am I doing something wrong here? I just don't get it.
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