Delusional

Sometimes we all need a little Steve Winwood in our lives.

I've been a bit delusional lately. Probably from a combination of loneliness and some inner knowledge that I need to boost my own self-confidence, pull myself out from the depths of, well, July 2010. I want to believe in the dozens of admirers, knowing in the back of my head that I'm wrong 99% of the time there, meaning that the one I'm right about really only one-quarter wants me.

The vanity we invent for ourselves.

Still, every day I am mentally slapping myself, to keep me from teetering over the brink. So far, it's working. Not sure how long self-abuse is supposed to keep going before it takes full effect, sinks in. A year? Two? Never?

At any rate, I'm happy enough for the moment, and I have a daily reminder that I'm changing my attitude towards my life. There is a further goal, there is a Higher Love. Somewhere, out there.

That's the hope, at least.